Separate Bedrooms for Couples: Would You and Your Partner Benefit from Separate Rooms?

This week's blog post highlights something that’s been whispered about behind closed doors for years— the concept of separate bedrooms for couples. The idea almost sounds a bit scandalous at first, like something out of a 1950s sitcom or a sign your marriage is seriously on the rocks. But in reality? It’s becoming more and more common than you might think, and believe it or not — it could actually be good for your relationship in the long term. 

The nightly struggles no one talks about 

Let’s be honest: sharing a bed with someone is not always the romantic dream it’s cracked up to be and sometimes it can feel like a real struggle. Maybe you like your space, maybe one of you is constantly a human hot water bottle leaving everyone in an unwanted sweaty bedding situation. Add in a bit of snoring, restless legs, duvet theft, different sleep schedules and maybe even a snappy 4am debate about the fan being on/off—suddenly sleeping in bed at night can feel like fighting for your life on the battleground. 

We don’t really talk about how tiring it is to not sleep well… until we finally get a decent night’s rest and realise, “Oh! This is what it’s meant to feel like.” 

The “Sleep Divorce” that’s saving relationships 

Enter the concept of the sleep divorce. Sounds dramatic, but it’s really not. It just means you and your partner sleep in separate rooms to get the rest your body (and brain) needs, while still maintaining all the love and closeness during those precious waking hours. It’s not about emotional distance — it’s about practical comfort. 

Plenty of couples, especially millennials and those part of older generations, according to recent studies, are lending themselves to the idea and trying it out (1). Growing popularity among celebrities has also led to more and more people speaking about it. And it may surprise you to hear that many say it’s the best decision they’ve made for their relationship and their body. 

Is it a bit... unromantic? 

Not at all. If anything, it can even have the potential to enhance your connection with your partner. When you’re well-rested, you’re less snappy, more patient, and far more likely to actually enjoy each other’s company all day long. It’s easy to not wake up feeling your best when you’ve struggled with broken sleep throughout the night and potentially being elbowed in the head by your partner at 3am.  

Having your own room can give you the time you need to rest and recharge, after all that is how the kings and queens do it. It also doesn’t mean you don’t love each other — it means you’re mature enough to prioritise your wellbeing. You can still snuggle on the sofa, have date nights, be affectionate... then go get your eight hours in peace. Plus there’s always the option to sneak into your partner’s room and surprise them every now and then.  

Who might benefit from separate rooms? 

There are plenty of different reasons a couple might choose separate sleeping arrangements — they’re all valid and none of them are anything to be ashamed of: 

• Different sleep schedules – one of you’s up with the birds, the other’s a full-blown night owl. 

• Snoring or sleep apnoea – no one wants to be forced to live in a constant state of earplug dependency. 

• Restlessness or insomnia – one tosses and turns all night, the other wakes up with every move or deep breath. 

• Different temperature preferences – one likes a cosy blanket cocoon, the other insists on a chilly breeze coming through the open window. 

• Parenting logistics – especially if you’ve got a newborn or kids who still bed-hop. 

• Shift work or early starts – if someone’s alarm goes off at 5am, it might be difficult for both parties to get out of bed or fall back asleep. 

• Introverted tendencies – some people just need that little bit of solitude to recharge. 

Sometimes it’s not even about sleep. Some people just enjoy having their own little sanctuary. A space decorated to their taste, no clutter battles, no compromise, and that’s completely okay. 

What about the emotional side? 

This is a fair and absolutely understandable concern. If one person’s feeling rejected or worries that sleeping apart means something’s “wrong”, then it’s probably not the right time, or at least, not without you both having some deeper chats first. 

Communication is key, in all aspects of relationships but certainly when it comes to the idea of moving into separate rooms. It shouldn’t be one person pushing for their own room while the other feels left out in the cold (literally and emotionally). You’ve got to both be on board and understand that this isn’t about growing apart—it’s about growing smarter in how you live together and choosing what you think will benefit you both in the long term. 

One possible solution? Test it out. Try it part-time before committing fully. Maybe separate rooms during the working week to see if you feel more rested. Then go back to being all snuggled up together on the weekends. Or even just a few nights a week when one of you really needs the rest. It’s easy to modify this in whichever way might work for you. 

The practical perks of separate bedrooms for couples 

Aside from the obvious sleep benefits, having your own bedroom means: 

• You get to indulge in your own wardrobe space. No more passive-aggressive hanger wars. 

• You can binge your own telly shows without headphones, imagine that. 

• You can read late into the night without someone huffing about the bedside lamp. 

• You can decorate however you like (within reason—no one’s suggesting blacklight posters and lava lamps unless that’s your thing). 

• You don’t have to tiptoe around someone else’s sleep schedule, now of course, you will still be in the same house so some regard for your partner's rest will be essential. 

Honestly, it’s a little bit of freedom that some couples didn’t realise they needed. 

Could separate bedrooms be right for you? 

At the end of the day, only you and your partner can decide what works. There’s no one-size-fits-all when it comes to relationships. Some couples couldn’t imagine not sleeping side by side, while others find separate bedrooms to be the very thing that saves their sanity (and sex life). 

The real test? Ask yourselves these simple questions: 

• Are we both getting enough good quality sleep? 

• Do we wake up rested and happy... or grumpy and drained? 

• Have we ever really talked about our sleep preferences—or just gone along with what we’re made to believe is the norm? 

• Would we be open to experimenting with separate rooms for a while? 

There’s no harm in trying it out. If it doesn’t work, you can always go back. But if it does? You might just wake up wondering why you didn’t do it years ago. 

Let’s normalise separate bedrooms 

We believe it’s time to drop the idea that sleeping separately means something’s wrong. Plenty of loving, healthy, long-term couples have separate rooms — and even more, they swear by it. It doesn’t mean you’re distant or don’t want close contact with your partner. It simply means you’re putting your health, happiness and relationship first. 

Sources: 

1. Rise of The Sleep Divorce: Do Humans Actually Sleep Better Alone? : ScienceAlert