Kindness and Sleep: How Small Acts of Kindness Can Help You Sleep Better this World Kindness Day

World Kindness Day, celebrated every year on 13 November, is a reminder that kindness doesn't have to be complicated. A thoughtful message, helping someone out or simply being a little kinder to yourself can all make a difference.

But could kindness also have a place in your sleep routine?

Sleep isn't just about what time you go to bed or how many hours you spend in bed. Feeling emotionally and physically secure also plays an important part in being able to relax at night. Positive relationships, feeling supported and taking some of the pressure off yourself can all help create the conditions for sleep.

And kindness works both ways. Being kind to others can strengthen our connections, while getting enough sleep can help us feel more patient, sociable and emotionally resilient.

So, this World Kindness Day, we're looking at the relationship between kindness and sleep, including why being kinder to yourself matters, how to avoid becoming a "sleep dictator" and how creating a calm, comfortable bedroom can be an act of kindness in itself.

Can Kindness Help You Sleep Better?

Kindness isn't a cure for poor sleep, but it can support some of the conditions that make sleep easier.

When we feel connected to and supported by the people around us, we may feel more emotionally secure and less preoccupied by stress or conflict. That can make it easier to relax at the end of the day.

The same applies to the way we treat ourselves.

Putting pressure on yourself to achieve a certain number of hours of sleep, worrying about whether you'll sleep well or becoming frustrated when your sleep doesn't follow a particular routine can make bedtime feel like another task to get right.

A more compassionate approach can be helpful.

Instead of thinking "I have to get eight hours tonight or I'll be exhausted tomorrow", you might try to take a step back and recognise that sleep naturally varies. Some nights will be better than others, and your body doesn't necessarily follow the exact schedule you've set for it.

Good sleep doesn't have to be perfect sleep.

Why Feeling Safe and Connected can Matter at Bedtime

For sleep to happen, we need to be able to relax.

If you're dealing with conflict, loneliness, stress or worries about the next day, your mind may feel busy when you'd rather be winding down. Feeling emotionally and physically secure can help create a calmer state in which sleep can happen naturally.

Kindness and connection can contribute to that sense of security.

A conversation with someone you trust, knowing that someone has your back or simply feeling valued and supported can make a difficult day feel a little easier.

This doesn't mean that being kind will automatically make you fall asleep. Sleep is complex, and there are many reasons why someone might struggle to sleep. But the emotional environment around us is one part of the bigger picture.

Be Kind to Yourself about Sleep

One of the simplest ways to practise kindness is to stop treating sleep as something you have to get exactly right.

It can be tempting to set strict targets:

• I must get eight hours
• I have to be asleep by 10pm
• I need to wake up at 6am every morning

But those targets don't necessarily work for everyone.

Your natural sleep pattern, daily commitments and individual sleep needs are different from someone else's. A bedtime that works brilliantly for one person might leave another lying awake because they're simply not tired yet.

Being kind to yourself about sleep could mean:

• Accepting that some nights will be better than others
• Not putting pressure on yourself to achieve a perfect number of hours
• Paying attention to when you naturally feel sleepy
• Giving yourself time to wind down rather than forcing yourself to sleep
• Challenging thoughts such as "I'll never sleep well" and replacing them with something more balanced
• Recognising that one poor night's sleep doesn't mean you'll have a bad night tonight

Sometimes, the kindest thing you can do for your sleep is stop trying so hard to control it.

Don't Become a "Sleep Dictator"

Kindness isn't only about how we treat ourselves. It also matters when we share a bedroom or home with someone else.

In his work as a sleep coach, our sleep expert says that "sleep dictators" can be one of the common problems he sees when people aren't sleeping well.

A sleep dictator is someone who tells another person how they should sleep:

"You need to go to bed earlier."

"Why aren't you getting up yet?"

"You shouldn't be watching that before bed."

"You need to be asleep by 10pm."

While these comments are often well-intentioned, telling another person exactly how they should sleep isn't necessarily helpful.

Everyone's sleep needs and natural rhythms are different. What helps one person relax might not work for another.

Instead of dictating the solution, try having a compassionate conversation about sleep.

If you share a bedroom or home, you could talk about:

• What temperature feels comfortable
• How much light each person prefers
• Noise and music
• Bedtime and wake-up routines
• When each person naturally feels tired
• How to manage different schedules
• What helps each person relax before bed

The aim isn't to find a perfect routine. It's to find a compromise that allows everyone to get the sleep they need.

How Kindness can Create the Right Conditions for Sleep

Kindness isn't a sleep treatment, and doing something kind doesn't guarantee that you'll fall asleep more easily. But the way we feel emotionally can influence how ready we are to relax at the end of the day.

When we're dealing with stress, conflict or worry, it can be difficult to switch off. We may continue thinking about conversations, problems or tomorrow's responsibilities when we'd rather be sleeping.

By contrast, feeling supported and connected to other people can contribute to a greater sense of emotional security. Small acts of kindness – whether you're giving or receiving them – can help strengthen those connections and remind us that we're not dealing with everything alone.

That doesn't mean you need to spend your evening deliberately trying to make yourself feel relaxed. Sleep isn't something we should have to force.

Instead, think about the environment you're creating around bedtime. If you've had a difficult day, a supportive conversation with someone you trust, doing something enjoyable or simply giving yourself permission to stop being productive can help you transition towards rest.

And kindness doesn't have to come from someone else. Being less critical of yourself when sleep doesn't go perfectly can be just as important.

Rather than worrying about whether you're going to get exactly eight hours, try to take the pressure off. Some nights you'll sleep more easily than others, and that's a normal part of being human.

Can Better Sleep make it Easier to be Bind?

The relationship between kindness and sleep may also work in both directions.

When we're tired, everyday challenges can feel harder to deal with. We may have less patience, energy or emotional capacity for the people around us.

Research has found associations between insufficient sleep and changes in social behaviour, including how we respond to other people. However, this doesn't mean that one poor night's sleep will make you less kind or empathetic (1).

Instead, it highlights the wider role that sleep can play in our emotional wellbeing.

Getting the sleep you need can help you feel more rested and better equipped to deal with everyday situations. And when we're feeling more resilient, we may find it easier to be patient, supportive and present with the people around us.

So rather than thinking of kindness and sleep as a guaranteed "positive spiral", it's more useful to think of them as two parts of a wider approach to wellbeing.

Create a Kinder Sleep Environment

Kindness can also mean paying attention to the physical environment you create for yourself.

Your bedroom doesn't need to look like a luxury hotel. It simply needs to feel comfortable and work for you from both a sensory and support perspective.

Choose the right support

A mattress and pillow should provide a level of comfort and support that suits your body and sleeping position. There isn't one mattress or pillow that is right for everyone.

Find a comfortable temperature

A bedroom that's comfortably cool can help you feel more at ease at night. There's no single perfect temperature for everyone, so find what feels comfortable for you.

Consider your lighting

Keep the bedroom as dark as feels comfortable when you're trying to sleep and use softer lighting as you wind down.

Think about noise

If noise regularly disturbs you, consider what changes could make the room quieter or help you become less aware of background sounds.

Create a calming space

A calm, uncluttered bedroom can help create a clearer distinction between your sleep environment and the rest of your day.

Ultimately, there isn't a perfect bedroom setup. The kindest sleep environment is one that feels comfortable, calming and supportive for you.

At Bensons, we believe your sleep environment should work for you. From mattresses designed to provide different levels of comfort and support to pillows and bedding to help you create a comfortable sleep space, choosing the right products can be part of creating a bedroom where you can properly unwind.

5 Simple Acts of Kindness to Try this World Kindness Day

Kindness doesn't have to involve a grand gesture. Try one of these small acts today:

1. Message someone you haven't spoken to recently: A simple "How are you?" can mean more than you realise.
2. Thank someone: Think of someone who has helped you recently and let them know you appreciate it.
3. Offer to help: Whether it's helping a neighbour, colleague, friend or family member, a small gesture can make someone's day easier.
4. Do something thoughtful for someone you live with: Make them a drink, take something off their to-do list or simply give them some uninterrupted time to themselves.
5. Do something kind for yourself: Take a proper break, go for a walk, read a book, have an early night or simply give yourself permission not to be productive for a while. You don't have to earn rest.

How to Practise Kindness Towards Yourself at Bedtime

If your mind is busy at night, try replacing the pressure to sleep with a more compassionate approach.

Rather than checking the clock and calculating how many hours you have left before your alarm, give yourself permission to rest.

Dim the lights, put away anything that's keeping you mentally switched on and do something relaxing until you feel sleepy.

You don't need to force sleep.

Sleep is something your body knows how to do. Your job is to create the conditions that allow it to happen.

The Takeaway: Kindness and Sleep

Kindness isn't a magic solution for sleep problems, but it can influence some of the things that surround sleep.

Feeling emotionally and physically secure, having supportive relationships and reducing unnecessary pressure can all help create a more relaxed environment for sleep.

Being kind to yourself matters too. There is no universal bedtime, no guarantee that you'll sleep for exactly the same number of hours every night and no need to turn sleep into another performance you have to get right.

And if you share your home or bedroom with someone else, remember that kindness means allowing them to have their own sleep needs too. Instead of becoming a sleep dictator, have a compassionate conversation about what works for everyone.

Finally, look at the environment you're creating. A comfortable, supportive and calming bedroom can be one of the simplest ways to show yourself a little kindness at the end of the day.

This World Kindness Day, remember that sometimes the kindest thing you can do for yourself is simply give yourself permission to rest.

FAQs about Kindness and Sleep

Does being kind help you sleep better?

Kindness isn't a direct treatment for sleep problems, but positive social connections and feeling emotionally supported may help create a calmer environment for sleep.

Can stress and conflict affect sleep?

Yes. Stress, worry and conflict can make it harder to relax at bedtime and may contribute to difficulties falling or staying asleep.

How can I be kinder to myself about sleep?

Avoid putting unrealistic pressure on yourself to sleep for a specific number of hours or fall asleep at an exact time. Accept that sleep naturally varies and focus on creating conditions that allow you to feel relaxed and sleepy.

What is a sleep dictator?

A sleep dictator is someone who tries to control another person's sleep by telling them when to go to bed, when to wake up or exactly what they should do before bed. A more compassionate approach is to discuss each person's individual sleep needs and find a routine that works for everyone.

Can poor sleep make you less patient or kind?

Poor sleep can affect mood, concentration and social behaviour, which may make it harder to respond patiently to everyday situations. However, one poor night's sleep doesn't mean you'll automatically behave differently.

How can I create a calming bedroom for better sleep?

Focus on what makes the room comfortable for you. Consider your mattress and pillow support, temperature, lighting, noise and overall feel. There isn't one perfect bedroom environment for everyone.

Should I force myself to go to bed at a certain time?

Not necessarily. A consistent routine can be helpful but going to bed before you're sleepy can leave you lying awake and worrying about sleep. Where possible, give yourself time to wind down and go to bed when you feel ready for sleep.

How can couples avoid different sleep needs causing problems?

Talk openly about what each person needs to sleep comfortably, including temperature, noise, lighting, routines and wake-up times. Rather than trying to make your partner follow your sleep routine, look for compromises that work for both of you.

Sources:

1. https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC11848082/